Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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