they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
