you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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