Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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