I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I want a musical about memes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
