Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
