Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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