I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
