Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it's like iHOP with fire
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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