i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
