i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
