Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
