i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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