He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
