I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
