Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at about main and main street
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
