I bet he comes in French.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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