It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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