thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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