If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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