Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
