You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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