Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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