There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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