playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
