You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
