i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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