Nicole vs. Life
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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