its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
