We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
