so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
