i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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