i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
