i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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