My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
