I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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