Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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