On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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