I wish I could teleport
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
