I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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