Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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