Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
