i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
