We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
