i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
