Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
