What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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