Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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