you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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