I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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