your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
