when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
