Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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