On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
