real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
