I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
